Slipknot

or

GWAR

It’s about time we start suspending some Man Licenses.

There are too many of you out there that don’t value what it is to be a MAN.

So this is the first of many to have their Man License…SUSPENDED!

I found the ultimate bacon guide and it looks like I’m having bacon-wrapped tater tots for dinner tonight.

This blog has links to 50 different ways to use bacon.

Here are some of my sure-to-be favorites…

The Bacon-Wrapped Deep Fried Hot Dog

Bacon Popcorn

Bacon-Cheese Fundido

and the aforementioned Bacon-Wrapped Tater Tots

You can rest of the 50 Uses at StartCooking.com

Now excuse me while I put my heart to the test with all these new Bacon Masterpieces.

Can you think of a part that you wouldn’t eat?

I sure can’t.

My last blog revealed how great I thought steak was and today is no different.

A co-worker of mine saw that I was eating a steak and bacon sandwich and asked me if steak-bacon (if it was real) would be my favorite food ever.

I replied to him that it would indeed be my favorite mythical food and that I would treasure it always.

He then asked me if I would marry Steak-Bacon.

I told him “Yes” and every question about Steak-Bacon would also be an affirmative.

I told him I would not only marry Steak-Bacon, I would introduce it to my parents and meet Steak-Bacons parents as well.

That is when he realized what I was up to.

He accused me of only agreeing to meet Steak-Bacons’ parents with the intent eating them.

I admitted it. He asked me if Steak-Bacon and I would have children and if I would even think of eating them.

To that I replied “No.”, I would not eat my Steak-Bacon children but what I would do is support them and hope that someday they would meet someone special, preferrably Gravy so that they could produce grandbabies made from Steak-Bacon and Gravy.

And then I would eat them.

Finally when my dear co-worker decided to get a little personal with his line of questions he asked, “Would you spoon your Steak-Bacon?”.

And thats when I told him…
“You don’t spoon Steak-Bacon…you fork the sh*t out of it.”

Those are two of my biggest weaknesses (At least in the food category).

I spent a majority of my tax refund on both. Luckily milkshakes are cheaper and you could ask my co-workers what I had for lunch almost every day for the past couple months.

But what if you could have both?

I call mine “Shteak”!

Mmmmmm….

What would you combine to make your dream food?

Jay Herrod of Clinton, Lousiana likes to mow lawns.

He takes pride in his landscaping and even owns a rideable lawnmower.

A true staple of the American Dream.

He has a beer belly.

Yet another mark of a good ol’ boy.

He may look and act like a regular Joe…

…but he has made a fatal Man mistake.

Due to what he calls a “medical condition”, Jay has decided that jeans, pants and even shorts would not be enough to fight this malady of his.

So the dude wears a skirt.

You heard me right, a SKIRT.

And all because of “swamp ass”.

While his landscaping customers don’t seem to mind, the municipal authorities have cited him for indecency but he is so against pants that he demands the rule doesn’t apply to him because of his medical condition and even has a doctor’s note to prove it.

Jay Herrod, I hope they do more than cite you, I hope they suspend your Man License.

Bumping around the web looking for boobs and yelling at people in car forums has taught me one thing. The cooler and more manly your name or avatar or what ever you call it, the more people respect your opinion.

I need a new name / nym / avatar / whatever you call it. I had some ideas, but I’m not sure what the hell to call myself. It’s gotta be manly, it’s gotta be tough, it’s gotta be rugged.

Here are some DAMN manly names to use for inspiration:

• Dick Pound
• Dick Masterson
• Captain Thundercock

Here are some ideas I was kicking around

• Maximus Fightmaster Van Damme (which I named a kitten but then had to eat it because it was hurting my man-cred)
• Magnusson Steele (Quite possibly a porn star though, will have to check into it)
• Ballzie (think Fonzie but with larger testicles)
• Manela Manderson (like Pamela Anderson but filled with MAN…oh no, nevermind)
• Slate Thornhammer (might be a little too Dungeon and Dragon-y)
• Dick Jager (a Jager Bomb for the ladies)
• Rocky Dildoa (just cuz I think its funny)
• Manny Manson McMan (it just seems right)

What do you think? Any of them names manly enough for this blog? You got any other ideas of some real manly names?

I’m a big fan of being a man. I mean BIG fan. Today, a manly shout out is well deserved.

This blog is for you Dick Masterson at menarebetterthanwomen.com. You are hands down the world’s biggest, and best male chauvinist.

I mean seriously, how AWESOME is this? He was on Dr. Phil!! (video below)

Dude, if women reject you for your manliness just let me know. I’m not above pretending I am sensitive to get some hand me downs!

At the top of the MAN list there are Boobs and there is Bacon. It’s about time they were combined.

Boobs + Bacon = Best Bra Ever!

At least until they develop a bacon bra that shoots beer from the nipples.