I know, there has been a lot of posts about bacon lately and I admit that.

But as a man, we are prone to having a one track mind and lately it has been on one track and that track is made completely out of bacon.

Occasionally it has been boobs and explosions, but mostly bacon.

So while I make no promises when it comes to the world’s most delicious meat, this is the last post about bacon for a little while.

Maybe.

Enjoy.

(Click the thumbnail for the Bacon Flowchart) 

My last blog revealed how great I thought steak was and today is no different.

A co-worker of mine saw that I was eating a steak and bacon sandwich and asked me if steak-bacon (if it was real) would be my favorite food ever.

I replied to him that it would indeed be my favorite mythical food and that I would treasure it always.

He then asked me if I would marry Steak-Bacon.

I told him “Yes” and every question about Steak-Bacon would also be an affirmative.

I told him I would not only marry Steak-Bacon, I would introduce it to my parents and meet Steak-Bacons parents as well.

That is when he realized what I was up to.

He accused me of only agreeing to meet Steak-Bacons’ parents with the intent eating them.

I admitted it. He asked me if Steak-Bacon and I would have children and if I would even think of eating them.

To that I replied “No.”, I would not eat my Steak-Bacon children but what I would do is support them and hope that someday they would meet someone special, preferrably Gravy so that they could produce grandbabies made from Steak-Bacon and Gravy.

And then I would eat them.

Finally when my dear co-worker decided to get a little personal with his line of questions he asked, “Would you spoon your Steak-Bacon?”.

And thats when I told him…
“You don’t spoon Steak-Bacon…you fork the sh*t out of it.”

Bumping around the web looking for boobs and yelling at people in car forums has taught me one thing. The cooler and more manly your name or avatar or what ever you call it, the more people respect your opinion.

I need a new name / nym / avatar / whatever you call it. I had some ideas, but I’m not sure what the hell to call myself. It’s gotta be manly, it’s gotta be tough, it’s gotta be rugged.

Here are some DAMN manly names to use for inspiration:

• Dick Pound
• Dick Masterson
• Captain Thundercock

Here are some ideas I was kicking around

• Maximus Fightmaster Van Damme (which I named a kitten but then had to eat it because it was hurting my man-cred)
• Magnusson Steele (Quite possibly a porn star though, will have to check into it)
• Ballzie (think Fonzie but with larger testicles)
• Manela Manderson (like Pamela Anderson but filled with MAN…oh no, nevermind)
• Slate Thornhammer (might be a little too Dungeon and Dragon-y)
• Dick Jager (a Jager Bomb for the ladies)
• Rocky Dildoa (just cuz I think its funny)
• Manny Manson McMan (it just seems right)

What do you think? Any of them names manly enough for this blog? You got any other ideas of some real manly names?

I’m a big fan of being a man. I mean BIG fan. Today, a manly shout out is well deserved.

This blog is for you Dick Masterson at menarebetterthanwomen.com. You are hands down the world’s biggest, and best male chauvinist.

I mean seriously, how AWESOME is this? He was on Dr. Phil!! (video below)

Dude, if women reject you for your manliness just let me know. I’m not above pretending I am sensitive to get some hand me downs!

There is something about this photo.

It’s mesmerizing.

Something about it speaks to me and says the word “manly” like a hushed whisper across the plains.

Maybe the man is a gigolo or he has a thing for much older women?

I’ll leave it to you, the readers to make your own judgements but I am in awe over it.

Please, any information on this photo would be awesome.

Personally, I am a fan of animals.

I’m not a dog-person or a cat-person and I don’t judge how manly a person is based on the species but rather how they dress their pet.

Which is rule number 37 of Man Law I believe.

“Thou shalt not dress your pets unless it is for weather protection or body armor”. 

But what is the ruling on baby animals like kittens?

If you must have a cat I suppose you could buy a full grown one from a rescue shelter that has a history of attacking children and senior citizens.

But what if you want to groom your kitten into a personal guard for a very important government official who just happens to be allergic to dogs?

Would that make it more manly and socially acceptable in places like smoke lodges and sports bars?

With that being said, a man with a cat trained to sleep in his jacket and “go for the eyes” in case of being attacked by a street gang would technically be pretty manly.

Would all those years of training and discipline be for nothing?

I’d like to think that a man can own a kitten and not be looked down on by his manly peers as long as he follows all man codes.

What is the manliest thing you have ever done?

While I have a few that include bar fights, drinking and competitive eating the one that stands out the most for me is the time I headbutted a horse.

Now I won’t say how that story ends but up to the part where I say I “headbutted a horse”, it sounds pretty damn manly so I will leave it at that.

But what about you guys?

Let’s hear your manliest moment.

Pictures optional.