Ultimate Warrior 

 or

Dolph “He-Man” Lundgren

FIGHT! 

I don’t know why I associate bacon so heavily with being a man but here is yet another great bacon-themed product that I would actually consider owning.

From ArchieMcphee.com

There’s a theory that everything is better with bacon. We believe that theory with all of our heart. To that end, we are introducing our line of bacon formal wear with Uncle Oinker’s Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo. You can get married in bacon, get confirmed in bacon or go to the Oscars in bacon! Wait until Joan Rivers gets a whiff of you. Each Tuxedo is tailored from chemically treated latex print fabric in one of four different sizes. Best of all, it smells just like bacon sizzling in the pan. Dry clean only.

Screw Wiki, this is the kind of info I’m looking for.

A blatant rip-off of the name Wikipedia but a format all it’s own including a clever “body measurement” chart for all entries.

I’m not sure how accurate all the information is but then again, how much info is accurate on the internets?

An awesome source of pictures and stats though for all your stalking autobiographing needs. Not to mention the extra sections for vices and assets, it’s hard to go wrong.

Chickipedia.com 

They know how to advertise to men in Auckland, New Zealand.

For a local channel’s screening of the movie “Kill Bill”, a billboard was put up that sprays blood.

Good news for people who appreciate violence and gore, bad news for the guy who parked his Ford Escort next to it.

I can’t wait to see some actual video of this thing.

(Anyone knows of one, send me a link please - thanks)

Another example of scientists being a-holes.

This video shows the effects of a man getting hit in the testicles with a tennis ball fired at 50 miles per hour.

I’m sorry, but we don’t need science for this.

Here are my findings:

• It hurts.
• Avoid being hit in the balls at all costs.
• Never volunteer.

Man Piledriving Shark

Bear Wrestling

Bull Riding Monkey

All of these sound awesome, look even more awesome but it’s really hard to compete with…

“Lion in a Sidecar on the Wall of Death”

Amazing.

Kornet Pizza in Overland Park, Kansas has created one of the greatest inventions since boneless chicken wings.

Pizza in a Cone.

Brilliant!

Kornet Pizza in Kansas City has created one of the greatest inventions since boneless chicken wings.

I already fold my pizza in half so as not to lose the toppings and cheese every time I take a bite, but with this cone feature you wouldn’t have to worry about that happening anymore.

Hopefully this trend will catch on and pizza will start be converted to cone shape from this point on.

You can read the original article and review of this genius pizza invention here… link

I must bring this to everyone’s attention.

I am initiating a Terror Alert against our own country.

It seems in Los Angeles, the County Health Department has made the selling of bacon-wrapped hot dogs illegal. Police have been seen confiscating carts, fining people and worse yet…throwing the bacon dogs in the garbage.

An L.A. area hot dog vendor even spent 45 days in jail for selling the deliciously dangerous pork products.

This must be stopped. What’s next? The banning of the McRib ever being sold again?

END THIS WAR ON BACON!

You can see Drew Carey covering this national emergency in the video below from reason.tv

The government is giving us money to put back into the economy and what better way to do that then spending it on MAN stuff. Get out there and help America and MANliness at the same time!

5. Yosemite Sam Mud Flaps

Maybe the guy behind you didn’t realize that a Real Man who doesn’t take any crap is driving that dump truck in front of them. Let em’ know you hate people who drive too close (and also pesky varmints).

4. An Over-sized Kettlebell

Some say the secret behind a manly looking physique is the kettlebell. So why not take it a step further and buy yourself an over-sized one. Then you are sure to be twice as manly.

4. An Authentic Viking Helmet

It’s illegal to pillage and plunder anymore but it is totally legal to look like a bad ass viking. And don’t go for the cheap plastic. It’s impossible to open a beer with those.

2. A Realistic Punching Dummy

Punching a bag is alright but its better to put a face to the ass-kicking. Plus you can always dress it in a suit to simulate beating the crap outta your boss.

1. Lifetime Supply of Fake Mustaches

Mustaches. One thing that has always been a Men Only fashion (except in Russia). The problem is mustache styles can be as different as the clothes you wear. With a lifetime supply of fake mustaches you could wear flannel and Armani in the same week.

I know what you’re saying…how can anything be more manly than the last edition of Manly Jelly Beans?

Or how does a posi-trac rear end on a Plymouth work?

It just does.